Ever Have One Of Those Days?

Where you literally just want to curl up in a ball and hide in a hole somewhere? Today was that day for me. Everything has just been coming down on me lately and I was pretty much at my breaking point. I need a mental health day. Dealing with MS every day is hard, adding on working full time, the MS flare ups, a son, a step son, a husband that works a different shift, a bird I want to kill AT LEAST 10 times a day, getting mentally prepared for Open Heart Surgery, and now Pneumonia. Take ALL of those things and slip them into 5 days. Wouldn't you want to hide too???

Last night I had a rough time sleeping. At 3ish I woke up crying. Not sure why, just crying. Most likely just all of the crazy exhaustion. So this morning when I woke up for work, Ryan fell back a sleep. I went into our 2 year old's bed and went back to sleep. I needed to get away. To not be touched, or bothered or talked to. Kayden and Ryan didn't know I was there and I just needed to be alone. At about 12 o'clock Kayden was playing basketball on his door and saw me. Whispered hi, and asked if I was ok. I naturally told him yes and he went about his business like nothing was wrong. I thought, right there, that I was busted. Ryan continued to roam the house doing things not knowing I was even there. LOL Mind you, my car was in the garage so unless he went into the garage he would have no idea. 

As I'm laying in my 2 year old's bed, hiding from my husband and generally, the world and all of my problems, I'm of course telling all of this to my amazing little group of friends. We all giggle like school girls. But seriously, it was getting to the point where I REALLY had to pee. Ryan was getting ready to leave and go to the bank, get our 2 year old and head to his mother's to do some eggs. As a last minute run through he just happened to come into the boys room. Kayden says quietly "Shhhhh.... mom's sleeping on the bottom" Ryan's response was that I was at work, until he peeked over and there I was, sleeping in the bottom of the loft. OOPS.

We talked, it's all good. I know he cares and loves and blah blah blah. Sometimes it's just hard to explain what I'm going through to people. I have this great facade going that everything is going to be ok, i'm totally fine, super woman... all that bullshit. In all reality, i'm kind of losing it here. Thank god only one more week until the damn Trans Esophageal Echocardiogram. I just want to get this surgery over with so I get on with my life. 

Side note. The whole time I'm sitting here blogging, my fucking bird is screaming.... where's my Xanax?!